


I'll Be Gone

by Tigre5s



Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 08:18:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18442661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigre5s/pseuds/Tigre5s
Summary: Raph is gone and it's taken its toll on everyone. You and Leonardo the most.





	I'll Be Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm soooo out of practice guys. Sorry if this sucks. Also, there's a lot of POV switching in this one.

I found you lying on his blanket stroking the worn fibers as if it were him. 

“Even when you’re sad you look beautiful.” 

You open your eyes to find me leaning against the door jamb. Your nostrils flare in annoyance and you stand to leave.

I can’t help the ache in my chest as you brush by me without a word. I sigh, “How many time do I have to apologize? This isn’t even my fault!”

You keep walking and in the distance, I hear the door to Mikey’s room close. 

I wander into the weight room and stare at the equipment. I half expect him to swagger in and get to work but the dust on the barbells tell a different story. 

~~~~~  
I was lying in bed reading comics when you crawled up onto my shell.

“As much as I love having you all over me like this I think the mattress might be more comfortable, Angelcakes.”

Your answering shudder sends me into comfort mode. I take your arm and pull you onto the bed to cuddle you properly.

“I know,” I whisper, stroking your hair. “He wouldn’t want you guys to be like this though. You know how much he loved your smile.”

That gets me a ghost of a smile. “Come on, you can do better than that,” I coo rubbing your arms and that gets me a slightly bigger smile. 

“There she is, the light of our lives.”

The next moment you’re sobbing into my chest and I’m wishing I knew when to shut up. 

~~~~~

I turn up my headphones and try to get back to work when I hear your crying. It’s no use though I can hardly hear myself think. I pull off the headset and lean back to stare at the picture next to the calendar. 

“It’s been 3 years but it feels like time stopped when you left,” I say to no one. 

“That’s because it did,” Leo said startling me. “Time stopped for all of us.”

He stares at the picture too. It’s the only one of all of us together. You are nestled between him and Raph. All of us wearing big smiles. You had decided that it was our birthday and brought 3 different cakes and a peach pie to celebrate.

“I wonder if she’ll ever smile that way again...” he says.

I know it’s not a real question so I sigh and turn back to work. 

“Donnie, what was I supposed to do?! He never listened to me.”

I slam my soldering iron down, “I don’t blame you for him, Leo!” I take a breath and turned to look at him. Softer, “I don’t blame you.”

The unspoken, “...but she does”, weighs down the air between us. 

“Donnie, I’m-”

“It’s fine,” I cut him off with a half-hearted smile, “But I have to get this done for Master Splinter.”

He stares at me and for a moment I think he’s about to say something else but he just nods, “Right.” Then he’s gone and I can breathe again.

~~~~~  
I walk out of the lab and hear you and Mikey sparring in the dojo. You took one look at me when I entered started to leave.

“Good match, Mikey.”

Mikey shot me an apologetic glance over his shoulder.

“You know what, Y/N ? I’m done with this. If you’ve got a problem I’m right here,” I proclaim stepping into the ring.

You pause and turn back to look at me. “You wanna go?” you challenge and all my anger evaporates. You spoke to me. It wasn’t a friendly word but I’ll take it.

“Hey!” you snap to get my attention. “Do. You. Want. To. Go?!”

You’ve moved within striking range now but I maintain a neutral stance. “Bring it.” 

~~~~~

You didn’t wait for an answer. You hit him for all you were worth and you know you’re wrong but you don’t care. 

“Why didn’t you save him!? Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!” 

“ Y/N STOP!”

“ Y/N NO!”  
~~~~~

At first, I thought this would be a good thing. Even if your words were angry at least you were speaking to him again. I thought you would fight it out and then you guys could start to heal.

I didn’t expect Leo to let you beat him bloody. I didn’t expect your fury to be so intense, didn’t expect your rage to rival...his. I didn’t expect you to grab his katana.

“ Y/N NO!”

~~~~~

It was your screaming that drew me out of the lab and the sound of a large body hitting the ground had me running into the dojo. 

I saw you raising Leo’s sword and though I couldn’t see your face Mikey’s expression told me everything I needed to know. 

I caught you before you could strike.

“ Y/N STOP!”

Leo pushed Mikey off of him.

“Let her,” he commanded shifting onto his knees, but I couldn’t comply. 

“What?” I asked still restraining you, though you had already dropped the weapon.

“If it will make her happy, she can have my life. It’s hers anyway. It’s always been hers.”

~~~~~  
“If my death will make her smile again, then so be it. Let her.”

I can hardly see for the blood in my eyes but I don’t care. She needs this. I need this. If she does kill me at least I won’t have to suffer her silence anymore. I won’t have to ignore the seething jealousy of her talking to all my family but me anymore. I won’t have to love her from a distance anymore.

“I would never kill you.” Your voice is so soft I hardly recognize it. “I don’t want to suffer this life alone.”

“Then what were you doing with his sword?” Mikey asked.

“I was going to carve my name into his shell so he knows where his allegiance lies.”

As the red tinging my vision fades, I see the tears in your eyes.

“Not some war in another fucking dimension. Not to some friend you only met once. No one else but me!”

Donnie finally lets you go and you fall as if you were a puppet and someone had just cut all of your strings at once. I caught you.

I look at my brothers and nod them away. I meant what I said. If you want my life, my blood, my breath, you can have it, though I can’t deny the hope that with your declaration you might want something else from me.

~~~~~

“Butterfly?” Leo coo’s softly into your hair but you don’t respond.

You feel him take a shuddering breath. “Please. Not again. Don’t go silent on me again. Please. I’d rather you killed me.”

With tear stained cheeks and trembling lips, you look up into his bruised face from the cradle of his arms. You reach an arm around his neck and pull yourself up to kiss every injury you caused. 

“Butterfly?” he tries again but you continue kissing and tending. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

You stand and pull him to follow behind you. In the bathroom, you run him a bath and treat his wounds. You wash him and accidentally soak your shirt reaching for the soap. You look down at yourself and the up at him and the next thing you know he’s pulling you into the bath with him. 

Cloths and all. 

~~~~~

“You don’t want to talk me? Fine. How about I make you scream my name instead.” 

I’m wrong. I’m so wrong but I don’t care anymore. “We use to be so close,” I murmur kissing you hard. “When you weren’t with him you were with me and we were good. It wasn’t perfect and far from ideal but we were happy,” I lament pulling off your shirt.

“Now he’s gone and you are all I have left of that time and you won’t even talk to me,” I shift us in the tub so you’re straddling me. My hardness is nestled between us pressed against your core. I move my hands to grip the edges of the tub. When you don’t move I grind into you and savor the feel of your thighs answering squeeze.

I run a slick thumb across your exposed nipple and your breathing shifts. I do it again and you stifle a moan. 

“Is this how you want to play it? Do you want me to?”

You look away and your cheeks darken but I get my answer by the way you grind down onto my cock making me gasp and groan. 

“Okay.” I stand up, lifting you with me and carry you to the weight room, stripping off the rest of your wet clothing as I go. You shake your head vigorously as we enter and I put you down. “You chose the terms. I choose the place.”

Your expression says you don’t like it but you haven’t left yet. I sit on the floor in the middle of the room.

“Remember that first time?”

Your lip trembles harder and I can see fresh tears threatening to spill. I open my arms to you and you don’t hesitate. I almost want to fist pump for joy that you didn’t run or approach me as if I might bite you. 

With your legs wrapped around my waist again, you grind your core against me panting into my chest. I lay you back and rub my length along your folds teasing your entrance with the head of my cock before kissing my way down your body. I take a tentative taste and your whimper is a trophy I’ll hold forever in my memories.

~~~~~

You can’t think. You won’t think. If you do you’ll stop him. If you do you won’t push past the pain in your chest. You know you both need this. Need each other. If you think about how much pain you’ve caused him to protect yourself you’ll never get through this. You’ll never get back to the place where he held your heart and your body. You clench and quiver when he teases you and as he kisses down your stomach you can’t help the whimper that escapes your lips. His last words to you echoing in your mind.

“Take care of’im, Firefly. In the mornin’ I’ll be gone.” 

A tear slips from the corner of your eye as the pleasure builds in your core. He should be here too. 

“Raph…” you whisper.

~~~~~

My heart aches at the sound of his name, I haven’t heard it in so long. I can tell by the way you move you’re close. When you come with his name on your lips I don’t care. I know what you need now. 

I crawl back over you as your orgasm ebbs. The shining tears in your eyes tell the tale of a woman trapped by her heart and morals.

“It’s ok. I loved him too,” I whisper against your lips before claiming them in a gentle kiss. I could feel you falling apart as you wrapped your arms around my neck holding me with strength I didn’t know you had. 

Your kiss grows frantic and before long you push me to roll us so you’re on top. Still kissing me you sink down onto my cock and you feel so good I start to cry too. 

I hate myself for being so weak. THis was about you. This was for you. I'm supposed to be the strong one. You break our kiss and ride me like tomorrow may never come. My tears don’t seem to bother you. In fact, you’re smiling. It’s the first time you’ve smiled at me in over 3 years. 

I’m so happy I nearly cum right then but I don’t want this to end like that. I don’t want it to end at all if I can help it. I pull you to my chest and hold you tight slowing down the pace. 

“It feels like a lifetime since we last…” I don’t know what to call it. Made love? Had sex?

You save me from my thoughts with another kiss. I move over you again and slowly deeply massage my member into you. Savoring every little shift and noise you make. 

I only pick up the pace when you grip my arm. I know you’re close when you do that. I wonder if you even realize that you do. 

I thrust a little harder a little faster breaking our kiss to trail down your neck. I fist your hair in my hand pull just enough to keep you from muffling your cries. 

“Yes,” I chant inaudibly against your shoulder as your moans grow louder with my every stroke. 

I can barely hold back when I feel you squeeze so tight around me.

“LEO!” You scream and I’m lost. I feel breathless, heartless, soulless spilling everything I have and am into you. 

~~~~~

Long moments of heavy breathing and afterglow petting pass and finally you allow yourself to think again. Leo raises onto his arm to look at you. 

“Butterfly. You light up my life.”

For what feels like the first time ever you smile, “I love you too.”


End file.
